Suffering from Selfishness

Do you remember your children's first words? Do you remember the excitement and joy you felt that day? You probably celebrated in every way possible; breaking out the video camera, calling all the family, and posting it all over facebook.

But what about those words that inevitably follow that joyous first? There are two words that come to my mind that I was not so pleased to hear were now apart of my child's vocabulary. Those two words were...

NO

and

MINE

This is the point in our children's lives when the sin nature becomes blazingly apparent. I remember thinking, "Where did Gracie learn this from? Todd and I don't walk around snatching things from each other saying, 'mine!'"

Psalm 51:5 says:

Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me

Gracie didn't have to learn to say "mine" from us. According to this scripture, selfishness came as naturally for her as crying when she was hungry.

The kids are older now and consequently their expressions of selfishness have matured as well.

It had become typical at our house to hear things like:

"That's mine, give it back!"

"I want the last cookie!"

"I was talking first!"

"I want to pick out the movie today!"

I...I...I...

In so many different ways, my children were expressing one cry from their hearts...

"I want it to be all about me!"

(And don't we all?)

Like every other mother in the world, I have preached to Gracie and Andy about sharing with others until I was blue in the face. And although I could get my children to share (whether they like it or not) I couldn't make them want to share. What good is it to go through the motions if our hearts are not in the right place? This is not what God expects from His children so why am I accepting it from mine?

So one morning, I informed the kids that before we watched TV or went swimming, we were going to have Bible Study.

We read

Philippians 2:3-4

Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.

After reading this verse aloud, I asked the kids to tell me what they had heard. They picked up on the "don't be selfish" part pretty easily since they've heard that a time or two. But I asked them what the Bible tells us to do instead of being selfish. Gracie was able to tell me, be humble. Now my kids had no clue what this meant. (I still struggle with wrapping my mind around it sometimes too.) So I used this illustration to help them understand what "being humble" means.

I gave each of them 3 index cards. One card said "God", one said "Others", and the 3rd had each of their names. I read the words to them and then asked them to hold up the card that said the name of who we should think of most in our lives. Both kids proudly selected a card and waved it above their heads. Gracie correctly chose her "God" card and Andy impressively chose his "Others" card. I corrected Andy and we spent some time talking about how big and mighty God is. That He created everything and He should be the #1 thought and concern in our lives. They laid their "God" cards on the floor and I asked them to show me the card that according to the Bible, should be what we think about 2nd most in our lives. Once again, Gracie correctly selected the "Others" card and Andy proudly held up his "Andy" card. Now whether this was due to his inability to read, or that the "Others" card had been the wrong answer before, or that Andy really did think that he should be thought about more than others, I don't know. But once again I corrected him by rereading the scripture and asking him to choose the correct card. They laid the "Others" card below the "God" card and then I asked them to show me the card of who we should think about 3rd. (They both got it right this time).

I explained to Gracie and Andy that being humble is when our "cards" kept in this order in our lives.

God

Others

Me

Selfishness is when we move our card to top. A few weeks early Andy had asked me what "pride" meant and I had been unable to explain it to him effectively. As we were discussing this concept, I explained that pride is when we put ourselves on top. We think we are better than God and others.

This passage goes on to point out that Jesus displayed the ultimate act of selfishness in going to the cross on our behalf. We spent some time talking about that when we are unselfish, we are acting like Jesus. He was unselfish when He died for us. On the other hand, when we are selfish, we are acting like the devil. (This lead to a whole other discussion)

We ended our Bible Study that day by gluing the cards on construction paper and I put them on the refrigerator as a reminder to the kids about keeping themselves on bottom.

I also condensed the scripture some to make it easier for them to memorize and displayed it on the refrigerator as well.

In case you can't read it in the picture, it says:

"Don't be selfish, be humble... think of others more than yourself."

Now when one of them is acting selfishly, we quote the scripture together and talk about putting ourselves back on bottom.

They still don't always want to share. If I'm going to be honest, they probably don't want to share most of the time. But I have seen a change in their attitudes concerning others. Now it's not about mommy telling them that they have to share. Instead, they have to answer the question,

"Will I live like Jesus or not?"